💛 SELGrade 2Lesson 25
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Steps to Solve Conflicts

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What you will learn

  • 1Put the four steps to solve a conflict in the correct order
  • 2Explain why each step matters
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Mini Lesson

Conflicts happen to everyone — even the best of friends disagree sometimes. A conflict is a disagreement between people with different wants, feelings, or ideas. The good news is that conflicts do not have to end friendships. With the right steps, they can actually make relationships stronger.

What is a conflict?

  • A conflict is a disagreement — it happens when two or more people want different things or see a situation differently.
  • Conflicts are normal and happen in every relationship.
  • How you handle a conflict matters more than the conflict itself.

The 4 conflict-resolution steps

  • Step 1 — Calm down: Take a breath and wait until your feelings settle. You cannot solve anything when you are at peak anger.
  • Step 2 — Talk: Use "I feel" statements to explain your side calmly. "I feel upset when you take my things without asking."
  • Step 3 — Listen: Let the other person share their side fully without interrupting. Try to understand their point of view.
  • Step 4 — Agree: Work together to find a solution that feels fair to both people. Compromise if needed — each person gives a little.

Why must the steps go in this order?

  • You cannot talk calmly until you calm down first.
  • You cannot truly listen until you have had a chance to talk.
  • You cannot agree on a solution until both sides have been heard.

Words to know

Conflict

A disagreement between two or more people

e.g. Our conflict was over whose turn it was.

Resolve

To work out a problem together

e.g. We used the four steps to resolve our conflict.

Calm down

To let strong feelings settle

e.g. I calmed down before I tried to talk.

I-statement

A sentence starting with I feel… that explains your side

e.g. I used an I-statement to share my feelings.

Solution

An idea that fixes the problem

e.g. Our solution was to take turns.

Four conflict resolution steps staircaseA staircase showing four steps leading upward: Step 1 Calm down at the bottom, Step 2 Talk, Step 3 Listen, and Step 4 Agree at the top.4 Steps to Resolve a Conflict1. Calm downbreathe first2. Talk"I feel..."3. Listenjustlisten4. Agree
Four-step staircase — Calm down → Talk → Listen → Agree.
I feel statement versus blaming statementTwo speech bubbles comparing an I feel statement that helps conflict resolution with a you blaming statement that makes conflicts worse.Say "I feel..." — not "You always..."Helps"I feel upset when youtake my things withoutasking."Makes it worse"You always steal mystuff! You are soselfish!"Why "I feel" works better:It describes your feelings without attackingthe other person — so they are less likelyto get defensive and more likely to listen.
"I feel" statements help conflict resolution; blaming "you" statements make conflicts worse.
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Ask yourself: "When I am in a conflict, which step is hardest for me — calming down, talking, listening, or agreeing?"

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